Family members accounts of helping a loved one with dementia
On line search for studies:
1. A recent research study is particularly useful
A 2026 study looking specifically at the stages of driving cessation in people with dementia interviewed family members and professionals. It describes families being left to manage repeated arguments, people taking the keys and driving anyway, and even physical conflict between relatives and their parents.
Most importantly, several family members said the process was distressing and exhausting, sometimes lasting years. Six family members specifically felt that the situation could have been handled better through better education and support. One family member described it as:
“The biggest problem we’ve ever had to face.”
The researchers also identified limitations in transport and community support as an urgent need.
2. A UK Mumsnet discussion gives a very real family account
A daughter describes both parents having dementia. Her mother continued driving despite having her licence revoked. The family eventually removed the car and keys, after discussing it with the dementia community team.
The daughter says:
“This has been really hard to do…”
She was then receiving calls from her parents almost every day demanding the keys and car back. She was asking whether a doctor could provide a letter saying her mother shouldn’t drive.
That’s an excellent example of the family becoming the enforcement mechanism.
3. Alzheimer’s Society has another powerful family account
An APPG on Dementia report contains testimony from a family member whose father had vascular dementia:
“Until he lost his driving licence he coped OK but got very depressed once he lost his independence. Getting this recognised and getting help was a real struggle.”
The same report describes families struggling with the consequences of losing driving and the resulting isolation.
4. There is also evidence from a UK study of family carers
A BMJ study interviewing UK family carers found that families sometimes had to persuade a person with dementia to stop driving, occasionally relying on a doctor to help them have the conversation. One wife described pushing her husband into the decision after a doctor advised that he shouldn’t drive.
That supports an important point: families often don’t want to be the person who takes driving away from someone they love.
And this is perhaps the most interesting finding
Dementia UK itself now acknowledges that if someone continues driving despite being told not to, the family may need help from another trusted person, a healthcare professional or another family member. It also acknowledges that a person may forget they’ve been told not to drive and simply take the keys again.
DriveTalk note: If we know families can end up having to hide keys, remove cars, argue repeatedly with a loved one and sometimes deal with confrontation, why aren’t we giving them a practical driving assessment and a clear professional pathway much earlier?
Sarah H from Bournemouth:
My mum's driving started to become very erratic, and she had a couple of minor collisions. I sat with her as a passenger and was concerned enough to tell her that my children weren't allowed to get in the car with her.
She disagreed with me and said that she knew what she was doing and was perfectly safe. She had driven for many years and never had a serious accident.
The about her and other roses became very intense and at the same time I was having treatment for cancer.
In the end I had to plead with her saying that my worry was making me my medical condition worse and was very upsetting. That's when she decided to stop driving, not because she thought she was unsafe, but she could see how worried I was.
A few weeks later she was diagnosed with dementia but hasn't driven since.
Angela B from Bournemouth:
For our dad, we wrote a fake official looking letter stating that following his assessment (we did the assessment) he was deemed unsafe to drive. We listed all the all the errors he'd made during our assessment then we hid his car keys and kept saying don't worry we'll give you a lift. We didn't sell his car as he had some pride in it, but the keys stayed hidden and we drove him anywhere he wanted to go, which he enjoyed. He was going out less and less as he deteriorated. It's a difficult time
Susanna O
We had a problem with an elderly relative. My husband is a driving instructor and offered to assess his driving around the local area which the relative consented to, making him feel empowered rather than scrutinised. The relative realised after being assessed that he was a danger on the road to himself and others as my husband pointed out numerous faults. The relative made the decision to hand over the keys and call it a day. It's a sensitive issue but if you can turn it around so that he makes the decision then it's a winner.
Jane B
I took the opportunity of a failed mot (not an expensive fail) to exaggerate the situation claiming the car was beyond repair and that I thought you should give up. Anyway he did not like new things or changes in circumstances so he did not put up a fight.
Kate H
My mother lived on the farm track which was used to by other residents and was also a path used by people on horseback. The neighbours began to ring me to complain that mum was driving too quickly and erratically so I booked her in for the DVLA test which she unfortunately passed with flying colours.
Her GP eventually explained to her that she mustn't drive and sent her a letter saying as much but she ignored his advice or perhaps she forgot about it. Eventually she went into a care home after a fall and that was an end to her terrorising the neighbourhood!
SQ
I became aware of a colleague who had dementia and continued to drive against medical advice. He also started drinking and driving. He was not really aware and this was not him as I knew him, it was the illness.
I phoned the police after a good deal of thought and trying to talk him out of driving. I gave name address car details everything they said they would put it on file with their older people's department in case there was an incident and it would be used. They wouldn't go around and check on him or stop him. I was appalled! Fortunately for everyone's safety he became incapable of actually driving and family were able to take the car from him.
Barbara L
My concerns were very real when travelling with my husband and witnessing near misses hitting the curb and clipping the wing mirror of a parked vehicle. A discussion with hubby was to no avail therefore I contacted his GP. He was invited to the surgery for a routine well- man appointment which he ‘failed’. This was followed up, cutting a long story short, very quickly and diagnosed with vascular dementia. His insurance was null and void and his licence surrendered. Thank the Lord for good old-fashioned doctors who knew his patient and took me seriously.
Debbie G
We experience very similar with my late dad driving first gear for ages, car engine screaming, knocked into another car,(we paid for the damage caused) driving a few times around the roundabout, driving along a pavement, driving with his seat fully reclined. It was all awful, very frightening. We secretly saw his GP who called in to see my dad as he was ‘’ in the area’’ and he referred my dad to see a doctor at Christchurch hospital. We took him and the result was a relief for us but not for my dad. We took his car keys from him. A very angry man for quite some time but we had to be cruel to be kind to him and others. The GP was supportive and helpful.
Janet C
It's 17 years ago but we asked the GP to write to the DVLA. It took them a year to respond. Of all the things my mum forgot, she remembered that I stole her car even though I gave her the money that I got for it when I sold it.
Elena H
Our mother had an accident at a roundabout and said it was the other driver's fault which obviously it wasn't. In court she was told to take another driving test where she passed the test and continued to drive until she was 82.
Lisa R
It was hard to get my mum even to agree to the docs or accept a home visit. We did manage it. Previous to the appointment I'd spoken to the GP who agreed she shouldn't be driving. At the appointment he backtracked and didn't broach the subject at all until I did. But he didn't tell her to stop driving. GPs are not prepared to stick their necks out and say what must be said. Somebody likely to be harmed if my mum continued to drive.
My mum passed in 2022 but by then she was supported in a care home. Just very frustrating at the time. Resolved only after my father died of prostate cancer mum needed to move in with us in Dorset. The car was sold before the move.
Margaret L
I had to tell DVLA on my son, 62 year old M had brain tumours but said he would rather die than giving up driving. He didn't speak to me for two weeks then apologised and understood. He died 2 years later.
Kim H
This happened to a friend of mine. Her mother's ability to drive was seriously compromised but she refused to talk to the doctor or have her eyes tested so my friend disabled the car with help from a mechanic so that it would not start up. A drastic measure but all that she felt was available to her as her mother was clearly unfit to drive but refused to do anything about it.
John K
A family I knew took the keys away from their father. One day he wanted to go to the town and none of his loving family were available, so he walked. He got knocked over by a young idiot on a push bike and suffered life changing injuries.
Dawn B
I had this situation with my late father. He had Alzheimer's. He had been a professional driver so could still drive very well but, as it progressed, I begged my mother to make him stop but was ignored. One day his social worker paid an unexpected visit. Rang me immediately and said did I know he was still driving. She took the keys. It wasn't pleasant but absolutely right. My mother was the problem. His driving was still good, but he kept getting lost. As an only child with no backup, it's very hard.
Brenda W
Our neighbour was still driving and it became clear he was not making quick decisions. He had beginning of dementia but the GP said it was not his issue to get involved in. If not I wonder who?